Watching for signs
Home ownership becomes more difficult with age and you may have noticed that your parents require some extra help around the house. Perhaps they are beginning to struggle with personal upkeep, or seem worried about their financial circumstances.
“The trigger for Mum was that the complications of life were becoming more pressing as time went on,” says Andrew McGill, son of The Sterling, Kaiapoi resident, Diane.
Small maintenance issues had started to build up, and with rates, insurance and the cost of living continuing to rise, Diane had begun to wonder if her nest egg would be able to support her for the long term.
“Mum sent me an email saying she was feeling a lot of pressure and was keen to look at a solution,” says Andrew. “That was the kick in the bum that I needed to take action and try to help her.”
“As much as Mum is a really, really capable person, she wasn’t sure where to start and she wanted her family involved in such an undertaking. Frankly, I hadn’t picked up the cues. I’d seen the signs but I hadn’t realised how intimidating those problems actually were for her. I just knew I had to do something.”
The art of conversation
It can be difficult to find the ‘right’ time for the conversation about moving to a retirement village, but waiting carries its own risks. Holding off until a crisis point is reached can add an unwelcome sense of urgency to the process.
Whether staunchly independent, actively seeking help, or somewhere in the middle, your parents will appreciate your support. As the adult child of an elderly parent, you’re in the unique position to help smooth the sometimes difficult transition to retirement village life.
When the moment arrives for a conversation with your parent, make a conscious effort to set their mind at ease. That should start with an assurance from you that their wellbeing is your primary concern and that you’ll respect their wishes no matter what.
Active, empathetic listening is a skill. Don’t minimise their concerns. Instead, concentrate on asking thoughtful, open-ended questions and then listen carefully to the answers. During these early conversations, gaining an accurate understanding of your parent’s perspective – their priorities, concerns and fears – is the primary goal.
Questions to ask can include:
- What are your parents’ wishes for in the immediate future?
- Does the family home feel safe and manageable?
- Are your parents managing their own upkeep and daily activities or do they need assistance?
- Are your parents demanding independence? Or looking for support? Or both?
- Are they finding it a challenge to make ends meet? Do they worry about whether their savings are enough to support them?
- Are they lonely?
- What are their concerns for the longer term?
“That first conversation with Mum was eye-opening,” says Andrew. “I didn’t realise how the burden and pressure of having to attend to future costs – without having confidence that her investments were going to keep up – was having on her. She could see this sinking lid on her nest egg and see that living costs were rising.”
“The ‘must haves’ for Mum were around security, quality of accommodation, the network of social activities, affordability, entry price, the ongoing management fees, and location – Mum wanted to be in Rangiora or Kaiapoi.”
“So after talking, we came to the conclusion that she would do best simplifying her life, getting more certainty, and really critically, having a lot more social engagement than she was getting living alone at home, particularly with what the Covid pandemic had allowed her.”
Do your research
With priorities established, it’s time to investigate what’s available. Every retirement village is different, so it’s important to weigh the pros and cons of each alternative.
What makes a certain retirement village a good option?
- Convenient location
- A range of village facilities and local amenities
- Warm, dry, low-maintenance accommodations
- A caring community and support on-hand if needed
- Opportunities for recreation and social connection
- Security
- Attractive surroundings and green spaces
With your short-list drawn up, book an in-person visit to the village to get a feel for the place, talk to the village staff and, if possible, have a chat with current residents to find out what life at the village is really like.
“Every facility is different in its own way,” says Andrew. “So I said ‘Before we make a commitment, we’ve got to do the research properly’.”
“What was very evident at The Sterling was the quality of the construction,” says Andrew. “There was no comparison with anything else out there. It was so much further ahead than the other options on the market. Miles ahead. Light-years ahead.”
“With the upsides of The Sterling around the quality, the planning of the facility, the location, the pricing and the people, it was a no-brainer for us.”
Financial considerations
Navigating village contracts and fee structures is a complex undertaking and it’s important to be clear on the numbers before you commit.
Key financial considerations:
- How much does it cost to buy into the village?
- What is the base weekly fee and what does it cover (is it fixed or can it increase?)
- What is the deferred management fee (exit fee)?
- Are there extra costs when the premise is ultimately vacated?
“One of the key benefits of a retirement village such as The Sterling is the fixed weekly fee,” says Suzi Cadigan, general manager at The Sterling, “because it’s often the unexpected costs of living in the family home that are the hardest thing.”
“At The Sterling, you don’t have to worry about any of that, because we do it all for you. If the oven breaks, we fix it for you. If your gutters need clearing, we clear them. You don’t have to pay for someone to come and clean your windows. We do it. We do the lawns. You don’t have to pay building insurance, you don’t have to pay rates, you don’t have to worry about the uncertainty of future costs.”
“Your weekly fee is set when you move in, it will never go up, and you don’t need to budget for unexpected costs. So when you know what your weekly fee is, after your few fixed costs such as your mobile phone and your internet, you know your outlays are, and then you’ve got ‘fun’ money.”
“You don’t have to worry about something breaking down or needing that money for a rainy day. You can actually spend your rainy day money now.”
And what about inheritances? Some would-be village residents hesitate to spend on a retirement village out of a desire to provide a financial ‘nest-egg’ to their children. This is an assumption worth examining, says Andrew.
“From my perspective, the ideal is that you spend your last dollar on your last day in the village,” he says. “To me, the most important thing is Mum’s comfort and happiness in her twilight years. Ultimately, I think retirement is a time to be ‘selfish’, and whatever’s left at the end of the day is what’s left.”
Moving to a retirement village
Helping a parent who is moving to a retirement village can be an emotional experience. It’s only natural to have mixed feelings – and perhaps some worry – about the new situation.
Education is the key to peace of mind, so familiarise yourself with the life-enriching benefits of village life, get to know the village staff, and commit to supporting your parent throughout the process.
“The Sterling has exceeded our expectations by a large margin,” says Andrew. “But despite the product being superior, the real upside has been the people, especially Village General Manager Suzi, Sales Manager Michelle and the directors.”
“Mum just loves it,” he says. “She has as many or as few social activities as she wants to go to, the home itself is warm, dry, modern, light, sunny and beautifully landscaped, and there’s no pressure for her to wash the windows or do the garden”
“It’s just absolutely fantastic and she loves showing it off as well.”
“I think what Mum’s got at The Sterling is fabulous – absolutely fabulous – and completely unique to The Sterling. It’s substantially a step up on anything else.”
